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Latest News Stories and Jokes
19 May 2012

 

Liverpool’s Guardiola Wish! (1)  

 Posted in Sport on 18/05/2012 at 09:26

After the sacking of cop legend Kenny Dalglish Liverpool have quickly drawn up a shortlist of candidates for the job these include the likes of Wigan boss Roberto Martinez and ex England boss Fabio Capello but the one that they really want is none other than Pep Guardiola! That’s right ...  Full story
"Liverpool put Guardiola at top of wish-list for new manager"

In other news, I have put a Bugatti Veyron at the top of my wish-list for a new car

 
Rating: 5 . Added by born_to_hickey

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Music legend Donna Summer Has Died! (0)  

 Posted in Celebrity on 17/05/2012 at 19:20

Five time Grammy award winner Donna Summer has tragically passed away after a long battle with lung cancer which she apparently picked up from inhaling debris during the 9/11 attacks. The queen of disco died at the young age of 63 in Florida. She is famed for her disco music with ...  Full story

England Euro 2012 Squad (0)  

 Posted in Sport on 16/05/2012 at 14:01

Here it is the the team that will represent England at Euro 2012. Hodgson has included some familiar faces and fresh blood to hopefully bring home some fantastic performances. So good luck to; Joe Hart, Robert Green, John Ruddy, Glen Johnson, Phil Jones, John Terry, Joleon Lescott, Gary Cahill, Ashley Cole, Leighton Baines, Theo ...  Full story

A Magnificent Solution to Shark Attacks! (0)  

 Posted in Science on 15/05/2012 at 09:59

There has been a surprise breakthrough in defence against shark attacks as it come to light that magnets appear to repel the mighty hunters. It seems that due to electricity sensors called ampullae of Lorenzini which the sharks have on their snouts - which researchers believe help them to navigate ...  Full story

McLeish Axed to Villa Fans Joy! (3)  

 Posted in Sport on 15/05/2012 at 08:08

After a very disappointing season which has seen Aston Villa survive relegation by the skin of their teeth after a run of only seven wins in 38 games Randy Lerner the club chairman has axed manager Alex McLeish. All season it has looked as if McLeish was on a hiding ...  Full story
The Aston Villa board are refusing to confirm Alex McLeish's dismissal until he has cleared his desk, this will take some time because off all the draws.
 
Rating: 5 . Added by all-my-lovelies
BREAKING NEWS: Alex McLeish is "considering his future" after failing his mission to relegate every Midlands football club within 5 years.
 
Rating: 5 . Added by dont_call_me_boob
Apple have teamed up with Aston Villa to copyright Alex McLeish's tactics. They're calling the method the iSore.
 
Rating: 4 . Added by paranoid_goose_lover

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The Comedy Rail with Blackadder Star Tony Robinson! (1)  

 Posted in Business on 14/05/2012 at 11:25

Writer Richard Preddy and Star of Blackadder Tony Robinson have teamed up to help Chilton Railways cheer up their announcements on trains. Preddy who was the writer of sitcom Green Wing has written the announcements that include racing the underground trains while Robinson who played the legendary Baldrick has been ...  Full story
My wife has left me because of my obsession with Baldrick from Blackadder.

Not to worry I have a cunning plan to get her back.

 
Rating: 4 . Added by bananoramalord

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Williams on Fire in Spain! (0)  

 Posted in Sport on 14/05/2012 at 08:46

Yesterday was the scene of both jubilation and horror for the Williams team as they raced to the top spot on the podium for the first time in eight years. Venezuelan rookie Pastor Maldonado won the Spanish Grand Prix his first win in the sport after qualifying on pole on ...  Full story

Another One Bites the Dust! (2)  

 Posted in Sport on 08/05/2012 at 09:12

Blackburn Rovers became the second team to be relegated last night after they lost 1-0 at home to a recently jubilant Wigan Athletic. After joining Wolves in the championship for next season the Blackburn fans continued to protest against the Venky’s who own the club and manager Steve Kean as ...  Full story
Ten games ago Blackburn looked safe and Wigan looked relegated.

Now with one game left it goes to show you shouldn't count your chickens before they've hatched.

 
Rating: 4 . Added by all-my-lovelies
The Steward who handled the Blackburn Chicken was given specific instructions by Yakubu to leave it in the his locker for him and Al Habsi to consume later.
 
Rating: 1 . Added by caramelisedfacelove

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Khans Rematch in Doubt after Peterson Tests Positive! (0)  

 Posted in Sport on 08/05/2012 at 08:46

American boxer Lamont Peterson has failed a drugs test after testing positive for a banned substance only two weeks before his rematch with Amir Khan. The drugs test took place after both boxers agreed to a random test that included both blood and urine samples, Peterson tested positive for synthetic ...  Full story

Aston Villa Brawlers Apologize! (0)  

 Posted in Sport on 04/05/2012 at 13:47

James Collins, Chris Herd and Fabien Delph have all been disciplined by Aston Villa F.C. after they were involved in a nightclub fight in the early hours of Tuesday morning. The players were in the nightclub only hours after the Aston Villa awards ceremony on Monday night and have releasedapology ...  Full story

Most Recent Funny Jokes


"Liverpool put Guardiola at top of wish-list for new manager"

In other news, I have put a Bugatti Veyron at the top of my wish-list for a new car


Story: Liverpool’s Guardiola Wish!
Rating: 5 . Added by born_to_hickey
BREAKING NEWS: Alex McLeish is "considering his future" after failing his mission to relegate every Midlands football club within 5 years.

Story: McLeish Axed to Villa ...
Rating: 5 . Added by dont_call_me_boob
Apple have teamed up with Aston Villa to copyright Alex McLeish's tactics. They're calling the method the iSore.

Story: McLeish Axed to Villa ...
Rating: 4 . Added by paranoid_goose_lover
The Aston Villa board are refusing to confirm Alex McLeish's dismissal until he has cleared his desk, this will take some time because off all the draws.

Story: McLeish Axed to Villa ...
Rating: 5 . Added by all-my-lovelies
My wife has left me because of my obsession with Baldrick from Blackadder.

Not to worry I have a cunning plan to get her back.


Story: The Comedy Rail with ...
Rating: 4 . Added by bananoramalord
Ten games ago Blackburn looked safe and Wigan looked relegated.

Now with one game left it goes to show you shouldn't count your chickens before they've hatched.


Story: Another One Bites the ...
Rating: 4 . Added by all-my-lovelies
The Steward who handled the Blackburn Chicken was given specific instructions by Yakubu to leave it in the his locker for him and Al Habsi to consume later.

Story: Another One Bites the ...
Rating: 1 . Added by caramelisedfacelove
I've just read that Iceland has come out of recession.

Looks like those adverts with Jason Donovan did the trick.


Story: Druggy Donovan!
Rating: 3 . Added by caramelisedfacelove
The chief executive of the FA has just spoken to Roy Hodgson to tell him "Don't forget that we've not got Wayne for the first two matches." Top which Hodgson replied "Don't bother me with a weather forecast now you pwick."

Story: Roy For England!
Rating: 9 . Added by snig_patch
A few years ago Jason Donovan used to be a filthy drug-addict, not caring about anything other than where he would get his next hit. Nowadays he stars in the Christmas adverts for iceland.

I find it really upsetting to watch his career going downhill so fast.


Story: Druggy Donovan!
Rating: 5 . Added by born_to_hickey
Warning to all men: women are using date rape drugs called blowjobs to lure men into scams called relationships.

Story: The Dutch Drug Bust!
Rating: 6 . Added by snig_patch
Every time you sharpen it, it changes to "Cool to Do Drugs", then "Do Drugs" and eventually "Drugs".

Story: The Dutch Drug Bust!
Rating: 7 . Added by frankensteins_lovechild
I had to take a drugs test the other day and it came back negative.

Which means my dealer's got some explaining to do.


Story: The Dutch Drug Bust!
Rating: 7 . Added by born_to_hickey
Alex Reid is in Katie Price's bad books.

He's done nothing wrong, she's just written two more autobiographies.


Story: Reid’s MP Ambitions!
Rating: 6 . Added by finiasandfurb
I went to watch a cockfight last night.

His name was Alex Reid.


Story: Reid’s MP Ambitions!
Rating: 7 . Added by all-my-lovelies
I was watching a video of animal testing the other day.
It was sick: animals that can't even think or communicate having blood samples taken and tested.
That's the last time I watch the Jeremy Kyle show where they find out who's the father.


Story: The Human Guinea Pig!
Rating: 7 . Added by snig_patch
I think animal testing is a terrible idea; they get all nervous and give the wrong answers.

Story: The Human Guinea Pig!
Rating: 6 . Added by bananoramalord
Rooney's Dad and Uncle have been arreseted in a betting scandal. So basically Rooney's Dad has been arrested.

Story: Rooney Senior off the ...
Rating: 2 . Added by monster_truck
Sky Sports: Rooney's Father and Uncle arrested over suspicious betting activity.

I Knew Wayne had an incestuous look about him.


Story: Rooney Senior off the ...
Rating: 2 . Added by bananoramalord
So Wayne Rooney's dad was arrested after a betting scam on a Motherwell game.

Police apparently became suspicious after hearing somebody had shown an interest in Scottish football.


Story: Rooney Senior off the ...
Rating: 4 . Added by born_to_hickey




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